Authenticated object of envy and admiration for sale!

Columbus KickbikeWhen I got into kicking, in 2006, I went out on the web to collect pictures of nice scooters for a wallpaper/screensaver set. This bike was among ’em.

In a hugely entertaining craigslist post the owner explains why he’s selling it: “it is fast, it is stylish, it is practical, it is elegant, it is reliable, it is the be all end all of interurban transport/social magnetism.” I’ll post the whole entry after the jump, as the listing will go away when the bike is sold.

2003 kickbike millennium racer!!! – $278 (lockbourne ave!)

Date: 2010-12-02, 6:17PM EST
Reply to: (redacted)

hey there loyal fans! i am putting up for sale/trade today a sotheby’s authenticated object of envy and admiration. as the title reads its a two thousand and three kickbike millennium racer equipped to the teeth. i acquired it several years ago on the ebay and it has exceeded and out performed any if not all reasonable expectations. it is fast, it is stylish, it is practical, it is elegant, it is reliable, it is the be all end all of interurban transport/social magnetism. as said it has served me quite well, first with safe passage to and from the southeast side but also in initiating a bold and fruitful array of human interaction in which i do not have time to list (multiple girlfriends, some good drinking buddies, a few fishing partners, many law enforcement officials and a handful of paramedics). not only has it logged on average over twenty two hundred miles per year, it has also been the catalyst in forming innumerous cherished and fulfilling relationships and associations.

this being said, in the recent past i have found myself engaged in a irritating battle with mild adult onset narcissistic personality disorder. for those of you who are familiar, you know how tough it can be looking at a mirror all day. in addition to the narcissism and a stint of drug addiction after an ill fated curling injury (ill spare you the painful details) where i suffered multiple hernia and a torn anterior cruciate ligament. since then ive received a promotion at work and just simply lost interest in this decadent kickbike in favor of my nineteen seventy eight ford pinto (pictured, but also up for sale/trade), and the city of columbus’ stellar public transit system.

to make a long story short, its time for me to part with this machine and im sure you all will find my asking price to be very reasonable. as mentioned before i am willing consider trades, some of the things that i have interest in are over sized festive holiday decorations, antique hand/power tools, exotic animals (alive or stuffed), new old stock ford pinto parts, dimensional asphalt roofing shingles and possibly a trampoline. thats a short list (others include animated disney feature films on vhs, vhs cassette tape players, all american quarter horse congress memorabilia, seventies vintage bathroom fixtures [sinks, bathtubs and latrines, preferably in green, mauve or brown, adolescent osage orange trees, and an industrial dual action floor buffer). dont be afraid to contact me with offers of cash or trades (sorry no personal checks).

thanks for looking, give me holler (email) and lets see if we can find a good home for this thing (get us a deal going here)!

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